Well the day has come. Another year older and not entirely sure if another year wiser is a correct assumption. When I turned 30 last year I was pregnant with our daughter and i swore to myself that that was my year. I was going to work harder than ever before and make it my year of good habits and in fact i find myself looking back to day and realising i stayed put. yes i made some progress and i guess to try look on the positive side of things some is in fact better than none but am i where i want to be? Quite simply the answer is a big fat NO.
Mentally i feel like i slipped back a little. Phyically I stalled and went nowhere. I think i have so much stuff that i want to happen and my mind just blocks me sometimes from moving forward. Honestly, i have no clue why. Anyone else relate? I have so many goals and dreams to achieve and i know deep down inside if i got going and really REALLY got myself going i would kick Fucking ass. theres just a mental block.
An ex once told me, i would be nothing without him. that without him i would just be in the gutter, a nobody. Back then, those words wrapped around me and stung daily. i whole heartedly believed those words. i was in the middle of feeling lost and my depression was beginning to take hold but being told that at that point in my life, made me doub myself time and time again. was i really nothing? was i really unable to succeed at whatever i tried without this person. HELL THE FUCK NO! I AM CAPABLE! I AM AMAZING! I AM ABLE TO DO ANYTHING! In the end as hurtful and hard that was to hear at the, im glad it was said to me because i do think back at times and remember that phrase and i use it to drive me. and i think of what i have now and realise that the goals and dreams i had set last year, just because i didnt get them done doesnt mean that they wont get done.
In the six, almost seven years that i have lived here in the USA we managed to buy our own home with a pool and a big back yard, raising two beautiful kids, and have now begun a company. the success and hard work is endless and i know that this year really will be AMAZING. i have plans to do something with my makeup over the year as time progresses but one step at a time. I woke up this morning and felt a bit blah about today to be honest. My hubby had to work since he now works for himself, time is money, so i was a bit bummed out. i could of taken the day as a bust, or made it what i wanted it to be. I chose the happier option. i brought our son to school, and went for breakfast with our daughter. i ran some errands and bought some flowers for myself to put around our home and have been cleaning the house all day. i feel productive, i feel happy. in the end always choose the happier option. sometimes its easier to follow the negative feelings and just sit around and feel sorry for yourself but you just have to choose the better side.
Tonight my husband is taking me out for dinner and i cannot wait to get dressed up and spend some time with him downtown. what a wonderful way to start 31. with a fresh clean home and happiness in my heart.
K xox
The Duffy’s diary 