Author: The Duffy's Diary

So you hear it all the time. Stay positive. As if it’s a magic word. It’s easier said than done sometimes. In a perfect world we would all be smiling and happy with everything we want in life without a care in the world but that wouldn’t be realistic now would it.

Shit happens! Let’s be real. We all climb the totem pole and try get to the top but there’s nearly always a time when we slip at different points or some little shit head starts flinging shit at you when your doing so well and starting to get the knack of climbing. It makes you question yourself, your methods right? If only someone could knock those other people upside the head and tell them to piss off bothering other people just trying to climb. Well, you can! More often then not we surround ourselves with situations, environments and people that don’t benefit us. We don’t always realize it either. We can focus on the negative and how we are always failing, we have to be doing something wrong. And we are right, we are doing something wrong. So the easiest way is to stop and regroup.

Just because you stop climbing for a minute to change how you get there doesn’t mean you won’t get where you need to be. It might take longer but hey, at least you might lose the people around you who are just flinging those poop balls of negativity, maybe the remaining people will be the people you choose to keep around who help and support you, who cheer you on from the sidelines. Maybe you approach how you climb differently and it gets easier to get a foothold on your goal.

One thing I have learned over my 31 years of life is that not everyone in your life is meant to be there. Places I go, jobs I take, they all play a part. I choose how my life goes, me! And only me. I could choose to sit on the couch all day, not get things done and slowly but surely I will feel awful in myself. But I have to fight myself every day and get what I need done. I know it’s so hard for some people. I was like that. It can be such a battle at times but I had to fight myself daily, and you can too.

I found joy in the little things. Things I hated like cleaning my house, organizing, gardening. The first thing I did was buy a super cute organizer. Me and my mam got the same one from the happy planner. They have the cutest binder type organizers with stickers and quotes, a bit pricey but it was all I needed. You can personalize it and I love to sit down and focus on that for me time.

Every night I sit down and write a list of things that need to be done, room, by room. I mark in the calendar important appointments etc because I’m very forgetful. As the day goes on I constantly check my list and use a highlighter to tick off all I have done. It really helps me to stay on track and at the end of the day there is no better feeling than seeing a fully completed list to make me feel good for accomplishing something in my day. A tidy house really helps the mind. As does an organized one. I found for me anyway being surrounded in chaos created chaos.

I also started a little vegetable garden and herb garden which gets me outside and I love seeing when things grow and we can eat them and so do the kids love that. Everyone is different. And it’s hard sometimes to find what you love when you struggle to enjoy anything at all. But start small. Set your alarm and force yourself up in the morning. Go for a walk. 20-30 mins. Breathe in the fresh air. Stop and smell the roses literally, look around and appreciate what’s around you. Then go back and just pick something small. Your underwear drawer, your wardrobe, throw away old clothes, just start there and start cleaning. Keep a diary, write down your feelings, and really think about who you keep around you, clean out Facebook, cut down screen time hours, small changes can lead to big successes and really help you climb higher to feeling good and positive.

It’s not always easy. I have been there. I have felt the lowest of the low and never thought I would get out of it. I’m feeling so much happier these days and I’m climbing steady. I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I’m surrounded by the people in my life who I want in my life, I am happy and I have goals and dreams like the next person and I’m going to get there when the time is right and you will too.

So every year I usually do a huge release of pictures on Instagram of all the makeup looks I try out but last year I did not since Leía was so young and I honestly was so exhausted and was still adjusting to having two kids and trying to balance school runs and life In general.

This year I felt like I really needed to get back into it and I started today. The minute I was finished and editing I remembered how much I love doing these crazy makes up and characters and how much I wish I had more time to do them. Anyways, I decided to start with something simple. I have been throwing around which ones to try for weeks now and I just thought this would be quick and easy to do and so I began with the mad hatter.

Now, while I was happy with it, I Have been throwing around ideas to get the best of both worlds so I did this look as it normally is and should be, based off obviously Johnny Depps portrayal in Alice and wonderland but I also wanted to incorporate some gore and make it a bit more halloweeny and soooo…. I give you the mad hatter after an encounter with the queen of hearts

I contemplated doing more of a beheaded version with illusion makeup but it honestly would of taken up some time and so I’m saving that for another time. I wanted to keep it simple because I was on a time crunch but really wanted to get started on something to post.

First thing I did was paint my face white using white paint by Mehron. I used a sponge to put it on my face rather than a brush as I like the finish better and find using a brush doesn’t quite cover how I want it for this look. Using my urban decay electric palette I took the neon pink shade for under my eye, the nose and contour. I used an old orange color sense for the orange shadow and the blue shadow was from a mehron pressed powder palette I have. I used the orange mehron paint for the eye brows and I had wanted to glue on some pieces from the hair on the hat but decided against it. I brushed a little of the white paint onto my lower lashes too and finally finished it off with pixi beauty’s prettiest pink liquid lip which I thought was perfect for the look.

Once I had done it and taken my photos I began to destroy it. I smashed my lippy which honestly was a little tough since it’s a decent liquid lippy that likes to stay so I had to apply a little more and smudge while wet. I also smudged up the eyes and using snazaroo cake blood drew a couple of “cuts” on my face, some from the eyes and nose and some to lips. I also used snazaroo modeling wax after I put a little latex down, I applied the wax in a worm shape to the areas I wanted and molded it to my face and place the cut cards in. I then used kryolans bruise wheel and the snazaroo cake blood around it to cover the wax. I also used the bruise wheel around the eye area and wherever else I wanted to create bruising. I applied mehron gel blood around the mouth and onto the cards injury’s and I was done.

I get a lot of questions about what contacts I use and honestly I regret to say I have to edit my eyes for a lot of my looks. I just cannot get contacts in my eyes for whatever reason. I have tried so many times and spent sooo much money buying them to fail and waste them every single time. I use magic eye color app and I love it. It’s easy to use and has a nice selection for my looks and it saves me ruining makeup from watery eyes and the frustration and cash.

I hope you like my first looks that I put up today and I hope you will check out the rest when I post them up. My page is @kariner_duffy

K xx

Ok, so as much as I would love to say I’m dedicated to writing frequently I am guilty of being negligent towards my blog post lately. I have been a busy bee off collecting knowledge and grey hairs apparently.

I plan to get back into writing because as I mentioned before it does help to soothe me. Also I got very into Jane the virgin over the summer and her passion for writing in it really made me wish I was more dedicated to writing things.

In previous blog posts I did mention how our son was struggling in school. Academically he was doing fine. In fact his teacher said he was one of the advanced readers in her class and mathematics he was about average to his peers. His struggles came with behavior. For a long time we battled with whether or not to have him assessed for anything. Was there more to it? Or was he just being a kid? Was he spoilt? Did we do something wrong? All these questions plagued me. My husband and I would argue on how to discipline him. What we both felt was the way to go with him. We put him into the school therapy sessions and honestly that helped him a lot. He was placed with a forty carrots therapist named Erika who was absolutely amazing. They formed a great bond and she was pleasant, kind and just wonderful to work with him. She thought him so many skills which we noticed him using quite often.

However, behavior at school remained the same. Explosive outbursts. Constant phone calls home. It was very stressful on me too. I was always on edge for the phone to ring and just did not know what to do. Trust me here, I’m not a mom that’s going to swear blindly how he doesn’t act like that at home but frankly he didn’t act like that at home. Yes, there were tantrums, yes he would whine and tell us no but school was a whole other can of worms. The boy the described when he was not on his best days, was not my boy. My son just didn’t do these things. But he did do them. Just not for my eyes. We finally caved and discussed it with our pediatrician who had him evaluated and the results came back, our son has ADHD and ODD. I still struggle with the diagnosis to be honest. Some things he does I can totally see it, and others I just think, he’s just being a kid. I am also not going to let my opinions, since I’m not a doctor, block my son from having a better life.

We started him on meds after his diagnosis and it didn’t go down well. To begin with we didn’t want him on them but we said we would try them. Starting with aptensio XR we noticed no change. He was still wildly hyper and when he was angry it intensified his anger, so we switched. He was put on vyvanse then but that’s just made him super irritable and frustrated. I know you are supposed to play around with different meds to find the right one but when our son was telling us how confused he was feeling because he didn’t know why he was angry and feeling the way he was, we just said no more. We pulled him from it immediately and decided to try a more natural approach.

I looked up adhd and tried to understand it more. I ordered books on treating it without meds, different ways to help. I am still learning. He continued his play therapy with forty carrots through the summer and Erika explained to me that jaxons front lobe is still developing something I wouldn’t of thought about. We just assume these kids are fully aware of what’s going on, not all kids are wired the same. They all develop at different rates. This made us think, That unless to us we notice he is having serious struggles maybe once he is older to consider the meds. As of now, Jaxon is keeping up with school work, he has friends, he has a great relationship with his family unit. We are setting him up to succeed.

I changed a few things to build better structure and disciplines. I’m working close with the teachers to help him there and I am slowly weaning in to changes in his diet. We are just about 1 month into school and so far he has done well. He has had 2 bad days in that time with only 1 of those being an aggressive day but I put that down to change in his routine as we were out of town for the weekend. The other day was because he lost a game so he cried and kept talking. This week however was marked down as a full good week with ZERO incidents!! That is huge and we were super happy!

I will post up a post soon about his chart system we use and eventually his diet changes but for now I just wanted to update the blog so that the rest I post doesnt seem so random. So there you have it. I am now and ADHD mom. Here’s to more research.

K xox

Its Spring Break, Hurray! Normally I would be sitting here thinking about all the foot i was going to do and the ass groove i was going to work on on the couch. Over the last month I have slowly been on a mission to get out of my lazy funk and I really have been enjoying WANTING to move more. I always found it very difficult to self motivate when working out. Growing up I had various stages of my fitness. I was always a tom boy, getting rough with the boys on my road, playing football (soccer) as i was the only girl on the street. My mam and dad always telling me to get in with them and i always gave it a good go. I was always quite a chubby kid though, i loved my grub and my god could i put it away, clearly nothing has changed besides my metabolism.

as i got to about 10 other girls in my class where talking about joining a gaelic football team at the school i had no idea what it was or how to play but all the other girls where doing it and i didnt want to be left out. it was from there that i fell in love with it. I played GAA for years. I got to play for Dublin for a few years until slowly the love became boredom so I started camogie at 16 and again fell in love with that. My nanny had played for her town in thomastown, kilkenny and it always intrigued me. I was a very late starter to camogie considering they like you to start younger to get more fluid with the hurl but if you have the nack you can learn. within 2 years i was on the Dublin team for that and for many years after also and i made it to Senior level. I got to travel around Ireland playing different teams and I miss It and my team mates alot now i live in florida.

You cannot compare to having a team behind you. the support and drive a team has to push and motivate each other is the best feeling ever. The friendship and bond is something lasting and i miss it. for that reason exactly is why i have such a hard time motivating myself. someone also (like me) who suffer from depression has a really hard time pushing themselves when their mind is constantly telling them that they are no good and cant do, nor should you even find a point to try. I am over feeling like that. which is why im so proud of my self to be out and actually walking and enjoying it. Im trying to tell myself, what else do you have to do? I try to make an excuse or a reason not to and i just say that question over and over in my head until i get out and go. and you know what? I feel great after it. I know that can only go so far though and so I signed up for Kickboxing today. I have NEVER done kickboxing but it has always been something i said i would love to try. It is meant to be amazing for toning and fitness and thats what i need. I also like that there will be someone yelling at me to do things and not just me in a gym wandering around aimlessly like a head less chicken.

When i joined crunch fitness thats exactly what happened. I had such high expectations. You know,  I was going to be this Gym addict who showed up looking the shit in my yoga pantaloons, water bottle, fitbit watch ready and using all the machines and weights in there and then i would look hot as hell with an arse you would envy. In reality it was me slobbingly going in, finding a treadmill doing 15mins then going down to the machines haivng no idea what to do, how to use them finding one leg press machine doing that and leaving. I took a class once in there and found the instructor so unhelpful and nobody wanted to show me how to do anyting despite it being advertised as for all levels. I worked in a gym, and the running of it was terrible compared to how we did it back home. I would assume the instructor to always introduce themselves and ask for any new faces tell them where the equipment was that you needed and then to help out or offer some encouragement through the class but nope. after that i never did a class in there again and shortly after i stopped going . when i started there i was assigned with a trainer and i assumed she would set me up with a small routine like we do back home and that was a no go either. she asked me my goals etc told me what she could do for me, and then hit me with the prices. No thank you. back home you are sat down, asked your goals etc, showed around the gym and then given a basic gym routine and then if you would like extra help if your not hitting your target etc you have the option to hire someone or PT. They also gave me the option here, i didn’t have to hire her but they also didnt set me up so i had to figure it all out alone or pay for her which sucked.

Any who, im all signed up for I love kickboxing and waiting to hear from them to arrange my first class so i will report back about how i got on. i am excited to start something new and if i like it i will sign up for some more classes. I am really wanting to get my family fit and healthy and want to sign jaxon up for something too. i do not want him to be one of those kids on video games all day. its no problem to play them but not too much. there has to be a balance. Active lifestyle thats what we want. Diet is the next thing i need to work on but so far so good. I am trying to find something that works for me and thats going to take some time but i am making smarter choices which helps for now. I hope you all enjoy your spring break and make wonderful memories with your families and friends on this time off.

K xox

Ok, so before anyone gets the wrong idea, I am not on drugs. I am however addicted to something that everyone is guilty of. My Phone. I am sick of the thing. Whilst phones are unbearably reliable for our lives these days truth be told, i don’t think anyone would even know what to do in the event of a giant collapse of the phone networks and internet.  how would we possibly find our way to anywhere we need to go, find out whats going on in our friends/families lives, find out whats going on in the world, listen to music or simply googling how to spell words we should know, or questions that boggle our mind. Our phones have simply taken over. i rarely go anywhere and do not see someones head in a phone. couples out for dinner one or both have heads in phones, out for dinner theres always a child/teenage with their head buried in a phone.

I am not saying i am not guilty of these crimes. I am the first to admit that out for dinner with my family when we all want to unwind and relax and my 7 year old is complaining how bored he is every 5 seconds i do let him play his switch or hand him my phone to play minecraft. And so the next generation of phone zombies is born.

I never really noticed it becoming a problem at first because i would tell myself im just checking on facebook to keep track on whats going on back home in ireland since i live in florida the last almost 7 years. yes, this is a genuine reason i feel and i can allow this one, but then it was oh i have to check instagram every 5 seconds to see if my posts got likes, and then snap chat, then emails, then it was constantly checking my phone for no reason and even still i didnt realise it was a problem. my husband had addressed it to me and just like an addict would, i would become very defensive arguing my point about not being on it that often really and that i only use it to talk to my mam on facetime or check facebook for my friends or to keep in touch with friends. the keeping in touch with friends part was BS because since i left ireland truthfully i hear from 1 friend pretty much, no i lie i hear from 1 on facebook and i am in a group chat on whats app with my school friends ( 5 of them). To keep him happy i said i would deactivate my facebook because clearly that was the issue. nope, phone still in hand. Instagram was my other vice. I loved to post my makeup pictures and see big brands i followed responding and i even had 1 of my faves send me PR packages which really was the best feeling ever. But what is the cost?

Being a depression sufferer the worst thing i can be doing is sitting around on my phone and im learning that slowly. what if i told/reminded you, back in the day we used to get by without fancy Iphones/Android phones. yes we had the basic for calling and texting, but the phones where never an obsession. they wernt a distraction to the point that our lives where being affected. they really are like drugs. we need them now like our lives depended on it. but i want to try step away. I dont think we need them as much as we think. do you remember that when we were younger and went on vacation we would have to use a real live map to get where we wanted. to read a book, we could go to the library and pick hard copy book (still my fave thing ever). Music was on records and CDS. Date nights were about spending time with the person, girls nights were about bringing a camera and taking real pictures to have developed and put in a photo album. If you didnt know how to spell something you checked the dictionary and you learned things from books or family. and you gossiped while out socialising. I miss all of these things. these real life things. Living in the moment. Being present.

Something that scared me was when i would think to myself, what did i do with my time in a day and i literally couldnt tell you. i would click onto one thing on my phone and then to the next and back again. put the phone down and then pick it back up again and click back and forth. i tried tricks like turning my phone face down, putting it on silent so i couldnt hear notifications but honestly i didnt help too much. a little maybe but nothing drastic. my life was, is, being sucked into a screen. now, nobody can say that using your phone isnt convenient it is. that is what life is about these days, convenience. nobody wants to take time to do something that with the help of a hand held device can be done in two seconds.  but i mean cutting down the unnecessary usage. the usage that makes us miss so many moments in life. Let me get this point straight. im not saying give up social media altogether. im saying you dont need to check it every 5 minutes. you dont need to post something every time and thats something im trying to learn to do.

Our phones have this neat little feature now, well, the iphone does anyway. I tells us how many hours we are using our phone in a week. i was quite impressed when the first one popped up i said to aj see, thats not too bad i only had 5 hours and blah blah minutes on the phone for the week, its wasnt until the next notification that i looked at it and realised that was daily. 5 hours?!!! like WTF do i be doing to add up to that. that is shockingly bad. so now, today i am deciding i want to cut back. i want to live my life in the real world more and not as a phone addict. im not dumb, i know yes i will need it for things, duh, phone calls and messages, emails are a given. i will need the map and i use it for music but i would rather be listening to music by hooking it up to my sterio that having my head buried in the phone. i have tons of books here i want to read more. i want to take more real photos on my camera, not my phone. i want to drastically cut down on my social media time which i know will probably kill all hope of my instagram taking off much but its all about balance. i can still dedicate time to check in on my computer where i write my blogs. My goal is to get out walking more. break the habit of sitting on the couch. lose weight. spend more time falling in love with the world, spending time with people, really SPENDING TIME WITH  them. I want to see that screen time % drop waaaaay down. Its completly doable. i just need to have the will power. its legit like a drug. Im tired of seeing teenagers these days being so anti social, no idea whats going on around them, i want to teach my kids a new way of seeing things and its not behind a screen.

Toodles,

K xox

Well the day has come. Another year older and not entirely sure if another year wiser is a correct assumption. When I turned 30 last year I was pregnant with our daughter and i swore to myself that that was my year. I was going to work harder than ever before and make it my year of good habits and in fact i find myself looking back to day and realising i stayed put. yes i made some progress and i guess to try look on the positive side of things some is in fact better than none but am i where i want to be? Quite simply the answer is a big fat NO.

Mentally i feel like i slipped back a little. Phyically I stalled and went nowhere. I think i have so much stuff that i want to happen and my mind just blocks me sometimes from moving forward. Honestly, i have no clue why. Anyone else relate? I have so many goals and dreams to achieve and i know deep down inside if i got going and really REALLY got myself going i would kick Fucking ass. theres just a mental block.

An ex once told me, i would be nothing without him. that without him i would just be in the gutter, a nobody. Back then, those words wrapped around me and stung daily. i whole heartedly believed those words. i was in the middle of feeling lost and my depression was beginning to take hold but being told that at that point in my life, made me doub myself time and time again. was i really nothing? was i really unable to succeed at whatever i tried without this person. HELL THE FUCK NO! I AM CAPABLE! I AM AMAZING! I AM ABLE TO DO ANYTHING! In the end as hurtful and hard that was to hear at the, im glad it was said to me because i do think back at times and remember that phrase and i use it to drive me. and i think of what i have now and realise that the goals and dreams i had set last year, just because i didnt get them done doesnt mean that they wont get done.

In the six, almost seven years that i have lived here in the USA we managed to buy our own home with a pool and a big back yard, raising two beautiful kids, and have now begun a company. the success and hard work is endless and i know that this year really will be AMAZING. i have plans to do something with my makeup over the year as time progresses but one step at a time. I woke up this morning and felt a bit blah about today to be honest. My hubby had to work since he now works for himself, time is money, so i was a bit bummed out. i could of taken the day as a bust, or made it what i wanted it to be. I chose the happier option. i brought our son to school, and went for breakfast with our daughter. i ran some errands and bought some flowers for myself to put around our home and have been cleaning the house all day. i feel productive, i feel happy. in the end always choose the happier option. sometimes its easier to follow the negative feelings and just sit around and feel sorry for yourself but you just have to choose the better side.

Tonight my husband is taking me out for dinner and i cannot wait to get dressed up and spend some time with him downtown. what a wonderful way to start 31. with a fresh clean home and happiness in my heart.

K xox

There was a time when I would wake up EVERY morning and feel, nothing. My life was just a never ending blur of nothingness. My head never felt clear. It was heavy and foggy and I felt empty. I still fight daily to not feel like that and on those good days I literally feel high. It makes me so happy and I get a pang of jealousy. Is this the feeling every normal person gets? This is what its like to really, truly feel alive? And then I think of all the people that take for granted that they get to wake up and feel that way. When I get days like that my heart soars. I smile all day, I enjoy every little, insignificant to some, things. The flowers, the sky, my kids laughing, the food I eat, Everything! Those days are rare for me so I grab onto them with both hands and pray for another one soon.

When 2019 rang in, I swore to myself that I would make this year as best I could. I wanted to work hard at achieving goals in my life. I wanted to take better care of myself physically, and mentally. I wanted to take better care of my Hair, my body, my skin and I even went to a skincare class in Sephora which I have posted about already in my skincare routine post. I have been sticking to it and have noticed changes and it makes me happy to build a routine which is so important to my mental health. Developing a structure and routine that suits you and helps you to keep busy.

My weight has been a pressing issue for me for years also. I have two kids, one is almost 7 and the other is almost 1. Most of my weight gain is from my first born that i never lost and its quite simply because I am lazy and have yet to get off my fat arse and move. What I know is that deep down I know I need to do that if I want to see results. I started the Keto diet last year and had great success with it until I bombed when family visited from Ireland and gained back all I had lost and am starting all over again. My issue is my motivation sucks and thats part of my mental health issues too. I have lost count of the nights I get myself so pumped up for the following morning and how I will be going for a walk and do some workouts at home. And every morning I find an excuse and don’t do it. A killer for people with depression is staying in and doing, well, nothing. The hardest part about that, is thats what depression does. It makes you stay inside, making excuses and not want to do anything. You have to really push yourself to get out and once you develop that routine consistently it becomes the new norm. I am still trying to break this cycle but I am not giving up on it. I got there before and loved it and I have full faith that once I do get out and get moving that I will get into shape and this will again contribute to a better mental place for me.

At the beginning of the year I found a show called Tidying up with Marie Kondo on netflix. I am sure anyone who reads this will know all about it because it took hold of so many people. It is all about decluttering your surroundings and sparking joy in your life through cleaning and by god is it true. I find myself cleaning more and eliminating the clutter. I find a purpose in my day and a great sense of achievement within myself for a job well done and even my husband will commend me on my hard work which is a nice boost. If I am unable to force myself out the door then I found something productive to do whilst inside. It started with just getting rid of some clothes that I had held onto for years and then learning how to fold them in a pretty way that is organised and efficient. now every time I open the clothes drawers i feel a little zing of happiness. Its tidy. Its neat. Its what i want my life to be. Neat and organized. Relaxed. I still have so much of the house to do but I have found joy in something that I never thought I would.

The other day I organized our hotpress (linen Closet) and my husband said to me, “wow, for someone who hated cleaning, you are becoming a clean freak” and It made me laugh and feel happy. What I was doing was being noticed and appreciated. I cannot wait until i have all the rooms organised and how I want them to be. To you, maybe it sounds nuts. Like why is this chick making a big deal about being happy for cleaning? Well, let me refer back to my opening paragraph. “There was a time when I would wake up EVERY morning and feel, nothing. My life was just a never ending blur of nothingness” That right there, is why. Once I found something that gave me that spark of joy, that little bit of happiness I fell in Love. I chase that feeling so that I feel some worth within myself.  I don’t wake up feeling nothing. I wake up ready to start my day. Along with Tidying and organizing came a different type of cleaning. I needed house hold products and so I discovered Grove Collaborative through my friend Kendra. Their products are so amazing and good for you your family and you home. The company is environmentally friendly, using recycled materials for packaging and the products themselves are non toxic safe for you and your family and they smell great too. I got so much stuff from them and am about to order some more things since I have the VIP membership.

When you sign up and make your first purchase you get some freebies which are awesome by the way. I love the daily shower spray, i sprayed it on my glass shower door which was destroyed from water and soap marks and its like a brand new shower door now. I lost count of the times i went in and scrubbed that thing with shower cleaners and windex to try get it clean but had given up because it never did the job and would leave my bathroom stinking with chemicals that were not safe to breath in at all. The Mrs Myers products are amazing too and don’t get me started on their laundry detergent! If you want to check them out here is a link you can follow to get your 5 free products with your first purchase.

https://www.grove.co/referrer/43159987/

If you are suffering from depression I really hope you find the strength to push through. Just know that you are worth more. You deserve to feel happy and one day you will. Start small, maybe watch Tidying Up on Netflix like I did and find something to spark that little bit of joy in you. Maybe that little spark will light a huge flame that leads you to bigger things. They might be small to some people but big to you, like getting out and actually enjoying being out. No longer having to wear the fake smile mask. And if your living with someone with depression and you notice these small changes how about you take notice and compliment that person. You might not understand it but small little things to you are HUGE steps to someone suffering. When you have depression that boost can be enormous and really help push and further their recovery. So dont be an Ass, show some love and support.

By the end of this month, I want my house to be fully finished with my decluttering and tidying. I want to be out and Walking/exercising regularly and enjoying it. Those are my goals for February. Hopefully the next time I write it will include those things added into my writing. As for today, I am going to spend time with my family. Im going to say now that I want to go for a walk and hope I do it and try get some minimum house work done for today and plan my week ahead.

Happy Sunday all.  K. x

                           What am I doing, to stop my face turning into a raisin?

Nature gives you the face you have at 20. It’s up to you to merit the face you have at 50. – Coco Chanel

So, let me start of by saying the obvious. I am NOT a skin care expert in any way shape or form. In fact if I am to be brutally honest I took appalling care of my skin. Appalling in that I had ZERO skin care routine in place, nothing. Zilch!! All I would do honestly was use my neutrogena make up wipes ( which are my faves for removing makeup by the way) and that was it. I am in my 30’s now, waaaaaay past due a good routine unless I want my skin to dry up and turn into an over ripened fruit with more wrinkles than a sharpei. I can’t go on like this. Which was why one of my ‘New year, new me” vouches was to take care of and develop better skin care habits. What better way to start it off than with a free class from Sephora. I had never taken a class with them before and let me start off by saying it was brilliant. I was so nervous because I didn’t know what to expect but I wanted to learn and see what I should be doing correctly. The teacher was informative and funny and put us all at ease, her name was Sharon and she took us through a routine that would literally make our skins glow by the end and felt like a babies arse! If you are a beauty insider these classes are free to take so keep your eyes out on your emails and on their instagram page for the links to classes that suit you. I will be going through some of the products we used as I did purchase one of them. I just want to mention too that after the class they do not harass you at all to buy the products you use, just to clarify, the option is yours to just do the class and leave or you have the option to buy so don’t feel like if you go you need to spend money. So, next I am going to jump right in and go through my routine with some of my fave products that I am using right now, some are pricey but a lot are drugstore brand and totally affordable. So, here I go.

What Am I Using? And How Am I Using It?

Ok first things first, if you have any makeup on you need to remove it.

Removing Your Makeup. Depending on how much make up you are wearing you can invest also in a good eye makeup remover which I still need to do but have not. I used Clinique Rinse off eye makeup remover in the class since I had a lot on that day and it came off super easy which I liked. It meant there was no harsh rubbing at my eyes and was super quick removing. After that, we used a make up melter balm, there are so many out there right now that are amazing, I had tried the Boscia charcoal one before and I honestly didn’t like it for me personally. I felt it was too heavy.

On the day of the class though I chose to use the IT cosmetics, Bye Bye Makeup melting Balm and I did like it better than the boscia but for now, I am still using wipes to remove my initial Makeup Face. After removing your makeup, your going to Cleanse your face again, this is called double cleansing. I know, I know, why do I have to clean it again, i just got rid of all my makeup, right? Wrong! you would be amazed how much, makeup, dirt, oil and grime is still left on your pretty face. A good cleanser is the start of it all. From what we were told AHA’s ( alpha Hydroxy acids) are great when in your skincare products when you need a glowing complexion, and so, try pick a product with one in it when it comes to cleansing. 

Cleansing. So on the day of class we used a nice one I actually never heard of before called Glow recipe, blueberry cleanser and it was quite nice but for me I have to stick with old faithful which is of course from Pixi beauty. I am a huge fan of Pixi because it is super affordable for people and IT WORKS. I have scrimped and used drugstore brands before and they didn’t work for me because my skin is quite sensitive. I should also mention I have combination skin, my cheeks, forehead and chin often get white oily with some dry patches around my nose at times so Pixi suits me very well since it tends to target all skin types in the products that I use. I am using their Glow Tonic Cleansing Gel right now and it contains Glycolic Acid which is great for renewing your skin to a beautiful fresh face by exfoliating it and brightening. You apply  this to damp skin and what I do is keep a damp wash cloth by me. I apply a small amount to my skin and I use my Foreo Luna Play Plus to massage that into my skin.

I LOVE my Foreo by the way.  The Foreo is a cleansing device, its waterproof and lightweight and  just gives me confidence that my face has been cleaned correctly. There are so many to choose from and vary in price, the ones I really want are quite pricey but I snatched up the Luna play plus from sephora for $49 – a steal.

After cleansing my routine varies. I like to use a mask maybe once or twice a week, so on the nights that I’m going to mask, this is when I would use one. In the class we used a Vitamin C product which was Tatcha’s Voilet C mask and it was DEVINE and on my Wish list for sure. On my normal every day routine I tone at this point. Its also worth mentioning that Pixi has released a Vit-C line, just saying.

Toning. Now, I have two toners I vary between, again from Pixi Beauty. (read my post on their Glow Tonic for more information specific to just these products). I normally just use my Glow tonic but I do like to use the Rose Tonic when I feel my skin is acting up, red and irritated. The rose tonic is perfect for healing purposes  and again helps to brighten your skin revealing your inner glow. I apply this with cotton pads and I also like to bring some down onto my neck too. Thats just me. Toning is going to help your pores tighten up and for me thats needed as I have quite large pores that I do not like.

Serum. After toning, or masking I use the Rose Caviar Essence which is essentially a serum to Hydrate your Skin and this is  seriously one of my faves from their line. I take a small bit and press it into my skin just with my hands and let it absorb. It makes my skin feel so hydrated and it just melts into your face and neck, and it smells so good.

Rose is one of my favorite scents in skin care products. It is full of natural ingredients with antioxidant rich oils  that help refine and tone your skin. In the class we were told about and got to use a Retinol based product, now because I never used before they gave me a retinoid product (Murad retinol youth  renewal serum) which is less harsh and I did like it but I chose a different product to buy which I will talk about next.

Eye Cream. I NEVER used eye cream, EVER!!! At the class we learned how important it is to use eye cream, specially when you start to age. the skin around your eyes are so much thinner and don’t absorb certain products the way the rest of our skin does. sometimes people may notice little white balls beneath the skin under their eyes and its actually moisturizer/product that was absorbed but has nowhere to go now so its vital to use the correct product, and that is why I purchased an eye cream that day, as I  had none. I use the Sunday Riley Auto Correct cream and it goes a long way with only the tiniest amount needed. Apply it with your  ring fingers under the eye and up onto the brow bone to brighten and depute eyes.

Moisturize. So there is two products I like to use in conjunction with the moisturizing topic. I use my Rose Flash balm first which I apply in a thin layer, not rubbing in, just to give me that boost of hydration and glow. It is great for when I feel like I look like a Sham, after a long night with the baby waking up.

Then I apply the Rose Ceramide cream which is so nice, its not as heavy as the flash balm but drenches my skin in hydration and leaves it feeling so soft and smooth.The Teacher also mentioned that your moisturizer   such contain antioxidants which these do.

I lied, there is another   product I like to throw in this section too, but I only use it once a week if I can or if I feel my skin really needs extra nourishing, its the Rose Oil Blend. Just a couple of drops rubbed in only at nighttime for me gives my skin a nice top up.

Glow. My last step is to spritz on my Rose Glow mist only if I am  going out I don’t do this step at bedtime.The mist sets everything I have done trapping in moisture and giving me a nice glow. I also like to use the Hydrating Milky Mist for hydration too.

And Finito!! I do apologize if it seems long but this is my routine now morning and night so that my skin starts to know I love it and doesn’t let me down as i start to age. Living in Florida I need to make sure I also use Sunscreen too to eliminate signs of aging and skin cancer risks. The elements are things that effect our skin daily so we need to be kind to our skin and feed it what it needs. I hope you enjoyed reading this and I hope that it is helpful in helping you too in creating a better skin routine for yourself.

K. xx

Why you need this in your life.            

Hello hello friends, so today I just wanted to get into a product that i have loved for a very long time and discuss a little about it and its benefits for your skin. Before i get into it i want to make very clear i am not paid by this company to say these things everything i will post in my blog are my own opinions and thoughts as i review different products etc and i will share my honest and open feelings too. i do receive PR from them which i appreciate so so much as being a smaller artist on the instagram page it really boosts me to know that a brand like them have taken that chance to share with me some fab goodies and allowed me to try out some amazing products so i can share my thoughts with you my readers, or my instagram/youtube followers.

Anywho without further going off the trail I am going to talk today about the holy grail for me which is Pixi beauty’s, Glow Tonic. What is it? In short its a toner. I get asked a lot about it when i talk about how i got some and praise it so much and people are genuinely not aware of what it is. I want to point out i am not an esthetician, i don’t know every thing about skin care and in truth i suck at taking care of my skin as well as i should but im getting older and now is the time i need to develop better habits but when i went to college to study make up those many moons ago we were taught, you cleanse, tone and then moisturize and that has always been my routine when i do follow one.

Toner is what it sounds like, it tones up your skin. cleansing will clean away the initial makeup and dirt residue on your face but believe it or not it’s not all gone, there is still oil, there is still stubborn makeup hiding in those pores of ours and toner is the unsung hero who comes in a helps remove the excess and helps close up those pores after cleansing. now my skin is fairly sensitive and a lot of toners out there on the market I have found to be fairly harsh and often stings my freckle face but Pixi’s glow tonic doesn’t do that. the reason others on the market can give you that stingy sensation if you have like me experienced that, is generally because there is alcohol in the product. the reason they tend to do this is because it can break down oils in the skin and ultimately this will dry out and irritate the skin and are normally aimed for the likes of teens who need the excess oils removed to prevent acne. i have never really suffered badly from acne other than getting the odd monthly hormonal ones here and there i don’t think my skin is too bad. i have combination skin, i get very oily on my cheeks and forehead but dry around my nose, i also have some skin redness and i feel my skin lacks in that healthy glow and brightness that i would have had when i was younger.

Glow tonic contains NO ALCOHOL. that was a big deal breaker for me when i first tried it. my first experience of this was getting a free sample in my ipsy bag and i knew it was for me. it is a cruelty free brand (yay) and their products contain many natural ingredients. so much so that the bottle itself advises that due to the natural ingredients the color may change over time but that doesn’t alter its ability to do its job as it should. speaking of ingredients, there are 3 main important ones in the glow tonic:

1. Glycolic Acid. 5% to be exact. this stuff is amazing when you find it in skin care products. the magic of it is its exfoliation powers. essentially what it does is it helps to brighten your complexion giving you that fresh face that we all want. pretty much it helps in removing all the icky dead skin cells that can make our skin look dull and blah. it is used in products too to help treat scarring, any discoloration of skin and even help with signs of aging like those pesky lines and wrinkles.  I have noticed over time of using this regularly that some of my freckles, and when i say i have millions, i mean my face is covered, i have noticed that some are fading and i feel like the more i use it the clearer my skin will become.
2. Aloe Vera. I always suggest aloe to everyone for everything. I used to take a shot of aloe vera gel in the morning, why? because aloe is known for its amazing healing properties. it is amazing the power of this plant. nature provided us with some amazing things and that’s why it’s no surprise to me that it would be in this product. i used to use aloe on sunburn, on cuts, i even used to buy the leaves cut out the fillet inside and leave on my face, it’s THAT GOOD. the science behind it is that aloe vera contains two hormones that aid in healing any wounds and acts as an anti inflammatory. so if you have acne its going to help, it will also be gentle on eczema and psoriasis too, the last thing you want is a product with alcohol when you have skin issues like that because its going to hurt and irritate it more. aloe vera is gentle and i love that it’s in this product.
3. Ginseng. I am lucky in my life to have family and friends who love natural products and have often told me about ginseng as a great ingredient to use whether it’s in skin care or ingested. it is a life-giver essentially. i used to take it when i was involved in sports as an enhancer for my energy levels and focus. as for in skin care its excellent for anti aging purposes, full of antioxidants and nutrients that help to tone and brighten that skin up. again i love that Pixi uses these natural ingredients because i think its amazing what to have a brand who cares about what you’re putting on your skin.

Overall this product is one of my favorites on the market right now as I have mentioned it is gentle on the skin which is my main fear when buying a toner, it exfoliates and brightens your skin giving you that fresh glow and it suits all skin types which is awesome. everything you need in one, i use it twice a day when i can, first thing in the morning when i wake up and want to feel fresh after i cleanse my face and then right before i go to bed after i take off my face of makeup. I like personally to put it on the fat end of a make up blender and press it into my skin and i feel like my skin is really absorbing all the glow goodness but you can also use a cotton pad which honestly is the better way to go since you will see the dirt come off that you probably felt you already cleaned off when you cleansed you face.

The best thing is that they have a whole range of amazing skin care products and they also have a rose version of the glow tonic that i love because it is targeted for problematic skin that may have irritation and redness which i do so i like to mix them up and use both if my skin is having a flare up so there is a verity you can buy. i have on my wish list their hydrating mists and their cleansers so i can keep my skincare range in the same brand for a bit. i definitely recommend you try them out and this is such a fan fave i just know you will love it. so go… get one.. and then tell me all about it. you can buy Pixi in most Target, or Wal-Mart stores i believe or you can buy direct from their website www.pixibeauty.com

Follow me on instagram @karinaduffymakeup

Toodles K xox

I find myself always coming back to writing. if it’s not on this, its in a diary somewhere. I think for someone with depression/anxiety writing is a very good outlet to vent when you feel that you have nobody to talk to. True, nobody responds and gives you the support that you might need but when you have so many thoughts inside that need to get out sometimes writing can be that place for you. For me anyway I like to buy a super fancy diary, i love hard cover ones that look like a book, you know the ones I mean? And just so you know sometimes in the beginning its hard, you start to write the usual, woke up brought kids to school had coffee etc but then you just let go. You need to let go. i used to have a hard time because i would be afraid of the judgement. i would be always thinking what if some one read this. my most purest, real raw thoughts and feelings. what if it made them angry, sad, judge me, think I’m crazy even? but you just can’t. you need that space, you need that place to just say what you need to say. some times when i start writing i think i don’t have that much to say and then it just keeps going, it builds and builds all my pent-up emotions and feelings and it just begins to erupt like a massive volcano spewing my every thought, feeling and word in my head onto the paper until I’m empty. and that’s why it’s a helpful healer. sure it would be nice to meet someone for a coffee and talk about those things, but i don’t have the mindset to throw my guts on a table for someone face to face. i like to either write some things that are personal in my private journal and then some things that are still raw and honest i share on my blog here that i want people to maybe relate to.

I’m on a path right now of finding who I am. 30 years old and I still don’t know who i am. most people kind of have their ducks in row around now. don’t get me wrong i always wanted a family and to be a mammy and a wife and i have that. so yes, i am mammy. and i am wife. but who is Karina?? am i still the person i was when i was 16? 18? 21? i don’t even know. i find myself stealing myself now and then for glimpses into my younger years. i know i used to be fun, and silly. a bit weird and awkward. outgoing, wild and free. my dad used to tell me i always stood out from the crowd. that there was something about me that was special. i know parents have to say things like that to their kids but did i? what made me different? right now i can tell you i am none of the above things that i used to be. i am neither fun , nor silly, in fact I’m the most boring person ever. i find myself coming to be quite bland. i have lost my whole just act like an idiot because why not attitude. I’m not sure if this is from age or whether i surpassed it myself but i find myself wishing that inner fun self would come back again. that spark of me. I’m still very much awkward and odd which i do appreciate because one of my fave pieces of advice for people is always to be weird if you are, it makes you different and unique. I’m rarely outgoing, the wild has turned into mild and the only freedom i get now is choosing whats for the dinner today.

its easy as a mother and wife to lose yourself. but i think it takes a lot to stop and recognize it and try change it. i know my kids will be grown in no time at all and i will be able to do all these things some day but by then i will be old. i want to be me and find myself. find and realize my goals and achieve them whilst enjoying my kids and making sure they stay wild and free and help them know who they are and never let them forget it. 2018 has been one amazing year. there has been great times and hard times but as the end of the year is closing in it is giving me a positive outlook and time to make sure that 2019 will be even more amazing. i want to set goals and start hitting them all through the year. my husband is starting his own company in the new year and has asked me to help him out with answering phones doing emails etc the office running basically.

i of course do not mind as it’s an exciting time for him but you know what i have my own goals and ambitions that i am going to be working on in the background too. i am swearing to myself that i am going to bust ass next year. i want my family to be proud of me and the end of next year i am going to be on top of my life, my mental health and find who i am. nothing is stopping you doing the same either. having a family doesn’t stop you, it may slow your role for a bit but you just got to put it in the backpack, and carry it along with you, you will get there when you get there and the you get to the top you will feel like you conquered the world (with your family along with you).

we got this!!!! K.